A ‘sworded’ affair

As I entered the warm and cosy living room of two respectable christian friends last Thursday night at a G2 cluster group meeting I was harrassed by a crazed and deranged welshman wearing a straw hat. He shook me by the shoulders and asked, “Do you want to buy some heroin?” Not the usual question you expect to hear at a Christian cell group…I certainly didn’t have an answer prepared. I thought “maybe this poor welsh man needs my help. maybe I should pray with him or help him back on the straight and narrow”. Actually he wasn’t welsh, he was a Columbian called Jay da Silva, a drug dealer from Bogota and he was trying to shift some grade A stuff.

Thankfully the next man I bumped into (perhaps by divine intervention) was a minister and quite frankly I was relieved. I thought I could talk to him about the welsh Columbian druggy but he turned out to be more interested in acquiring antique swords and crowns at any price. No use!

Next thing I know some guy is trying to loan me money, a maid is accusing me of making her pregnant and a few other very shady characters keep asking me terrifying questions. One abusive Northern Irish drunk kept shouting at me to pour him a drink and calling me Jeeves. I looked down and saw I was dressed as a butler and then I remembered, it was cluster group’s Christmas murder mystery.

The night went from dodgey to dangerous as plots thickened, lingering suspicions turned into family feuds, tempers rose and backs were stabbed. (I did some of the stabbing I must admit).

The night culminated in an ‘auction’ of all the relics belonging to the deceased Baroness Audrey von Munchen and one character rose above them all, Simmie Shady (aka Steve Askew) came out on top as the one with the most cash and also the murderer. It’s fair to say that I was pretty gutted I didn’t win but not really surprised, simply because I can’t bluff or deal with hiding secrets and when I had good ammunition against anyone, I was too ouvert with my badgering to get anything out of them.

Others proved to be much more gifted at intimidation and scheming and although I gained respect for them as weavers of a tightly spun web of deception and intrigue, I have lost a tiny bit of respect for them as friends. I am praying for you!

Joking aside, everyone absolutely loved the game, the food and the banter and there was plenty of laughter throughout the night. Thanks to all who organised it and if you haven’t been to a cluster group meeting before, do it! It’s incredible.

God bless and Merry Christmas

Ricky Gibson (aka Jeeves the Butler)